Category Archives: Diary
My little lady and I watched a movie this evening, It really touched both our hearts and it was very likely the most heart warming and touching movie I have seen thus far. Take a look at the link if you wish, It really is quite beautiful the wa it was directed and how the story goes. Enjoy!
Let go of your past and you let go of your pains, let go of all your regrets and you open the doorway to your future. Let go of your expectations and you will know patience, let go of the ones that have hurt you worst and you will find peace. Letting go doesn’t always have to be a hard decision, sometimes it’s the only right thing to do.
One last goodbye..this is my only desire..I know our heavenly father called you home and with your unwavering faith you returned to him..I wish I had the chance to say one last goodbye..to tell you I found my purpose..I’ve found my calling..I wish I could once again listen to your flawless piano melodies..so I will honor your memory with playing my melodies..with words from my heart..the heart you strengthened through all the pain I’ve suffered..I miss you still and I shall carry on your wish..
I will compose you a song..
There won’t be need for words..
I won’t need melodies..
The melody is your beautiful heart..
I won’t need words..
Our love speaks a million thoughts..
I won’t need time to compose..
Our love is says it all..
I won’t need a studio..
Anywhere is fine as long as i’m with you..
I won’t need to ask..
Do you know this song…
..It is the song of my love for you..
Sometimes when things go from bad to worse, some of us lose our true selves and become someone entirely different. So long as we don’t forget to hold on to what makes us who we are, we will always make the right decisions and not go down to the same level as the ones who put us in this place to begin with.
I woke up yesterday with a greeting from my baby girl when I opened my bedroom door, she is so used to knowing when I wake that she greeted me with a hug and a “Good morning daddy!” it’s such a good feeling to know that despite all the lies and sarcastic remarks people make, there’s still some people including my angel that can stay
Just thinking about this though, has made me realize that I have to make some changes. I need to let go of people who aren’t worth my effort to keep, with their sarcasm and lies. Just so damn sick of it, you know?
I know this sounds incredibly selfish but I want to be able to finish every night on a good note, instead of one with disappointment or pretending I hadn’t seen something.
Sometimes the only thing you can do after chasing a dream for too long, is give up the chase and ask yourself is it really what you want still? if it’s the chase for someone’s heart and they’ve never noticed. Then it’s time to stop trying, because if you ever really mattered to someone they would never have missed the person who’s always been standing beside them.
The worst part about giving someone everything that you are, is that you think they will care about you enough to give you the same thoughts. But, then they show you that all along it was always about them and they already got everything they needed from you. At the realization of this, it often feels like you are just hanging off a cliff and all they are doing is walking away and smiling. Ironic isn’t it? how well some people play their act.
When all the words have been said..all the feelings expressed..all the joy laughed..all the sadness shared..remember this moment because this is when you realize..that you finally found the one..the one person in your life who has shown you the deepest parts of you that you never though existed..the one who will always know how you feel long before you say anything..hold them close and don’t ever give up when things don’t work out..because they never did..
Pain isn’t just an emotion, it also teaches us the reasons why we feel the way we do about someone. It reminds us how heartless people can be, without the feeling of pain we would never realize that we can do better.
Ironically, the ones that inflict pain upon us, are often the ones we are trying to receive love from. Funny how that works isn’t it?
I’ll never understand, so many people I’ve met in my life always told me that I’m not good enough, that either I’m not financially stable enough or that I am simply not the perfect guy for them.
Really though, what is perfect? everyone has something that the other wishes they had, isn’t that what makes us all unique to one another? I would like to think
Having said that, you know what I say to those who seek their idea of a. perfect love? I say that what they seek has always been right on front of them, someone perfectly unique in their own way.
If you want to be with someone you love show it..before they show you what you could of had and what you probably won’t ever have once the feeling is gone..
Taking the chance to see if she will return my feelings sometimes feels so much like writing a letter and sending it off, i can’t proofread it once it’s sent, and i can’t edit any of it. What is said is said and what is done is done, it’s all about waiting at the end and hoping the feelings on the words don’t get lost in translation half way there. Then when she reads the letter about how we feel, it’s like waiting to see if she will write back and if what i read is what i am hoping for, what a feeling!
The trouble with listening, is we often choose to hear what we want. Rather than what we don’t want to hear, it’s a relief from the pain we are trying so hard to avoid. But, as long as a part of you knows that you have chosen a lie you will never be at peace. It will come right back somewhere down the road, so what will you choose? will you accept things the way they are or will you continue down a path that will only repeat itself? the choice is yours.
Have you ever watched the one you truly deeply love, start to drift away from you and you don’t know why? then found your mind racing a mile a minute with all the possibilities and wondered if you were right the entire time?
It’s almost like going out the door and walking down the road with no destination in mind, you keep thinking of all these possibilities and all these maybe’s and if’s. It’s not a good place to be either, because at the end of it all you will look back and notice that the one you were getting all worked up over? hasn’t moved at all and you are the one who has spent all this time getting nowhere all on your own. Was it worth it? i think not, better off talking about it and if it wasn’t meant to be? then so be it. It’s time to move on, if it is meant to be though? then remember that love is patient and understanding. No matter how bad things get, it can always be resolved simply by talking about it.
A few minutes ago, I saw a couple outside who were touring Vancouver all the way from Spain. They were trying to figure out a way to get to the team store, they didn’t speak english well and so me being fluent in Spanish I directed them.
Upon entering the store we had a chat in Spanish about the building, they asked if they could look inside etc. All the while we are doing this a couple of girls from the store were confused about what I was saying, but I was polite to them inquiring about the tour pricing etc for the tourists and translating. I guess I’m not as much a monster that I was painted to be was I? within a few minutes we were off, the guests absolutely loved the building and took tons of pictures. They had a blast!
After the tour I brought them back to the store to let them shop some more, as I opened the door though Ronda was again ready to bolt away from me. I opened the door for her as she motioned towards it and simply greeted hello, I guess I’ll never win her trust as long as she believes what my backstabbing coworker says about me but. My conscience is clear and I’ve done nothing wrong, I’m grateful about god giving me the chance to show at least two of the girls at the store that I can be a decent guy.
I guess what I’m saying is, life can be cruel and incredibly unfair but if you have the patience? good things will come your way.
We often meet someone who gives us the impression that they are interested, they give us that feeling of certainty making us think that we finally found the one.
Sadly, at the same time we forget that for some. It is in their nature to be the way they are, it soon after dawns on us that all the effort we put in was for nothing. Misunderstandings and false hope follows soon after and you wonder why you ever tried.
Save yourself the trouble of ending up in false hopes and painful disappointments, see how they are with others before you decide that they really feel that way about you first.
Take ahold a cherished memory on one hand…then take your deepest most profound feelings on the other..hold them together..now breathe hope into what had become your dreams..release it into the air..someone will not only see it but someone will also find you and take you there..have faith and never lose hope..
This is a story of my hopes and dreams, through my entire life. I have had my heart shattered at every turn, I’ve been used and lied to. Because people take advantage of my trusting nature, it’s come to the point where I feel I needed to let go of the one good memory I ever actually had, to see if anyone would help me replace it with an incredible one. with faith in my heart I’ve found someone, she found my wandering thoughts and without her. I never would be where I am now, someone out there is waiting for you too if you just believe.
For every time I was hurt..
I was reminded what is real joy..
For every time someone spoke without a thought for how I feel..
I was reminded of how fragile the human heart is…
For every time someone used me for their own ends..
I was reminded how much I can influence others thoughts in a positive way..
For every time I was fooled into believing someone cared..
I was reminded how easily someone might come across as pretending to..
For every lie someone told me..
I was reminded about the ones around me who never have..
Life is a constant journey of learning through the worst moments, so that we learn the value of the better ones.
It’s hard sometimes when we choose the wrong words to say during a really bad moment, it is completely unintentional. I can’t think of anyone who would want to ruin a perfectly conversation on purpose. So, when someone does that to you just how do you react? do you end the conversation then and there or do you continue and pretend like it was never said? personally, i would continue the conversation that was originally there. Then, when the time is right the accidental slip of the tongue can be revisited.
Sometimes, we tend to hold back so many thoughts and emotions when we are around people that we bury it as far down as we can. The problem is, the deeper you bury it the more chances it will come back up when you least expect it. So, why not just always be honest about what you are feeling? no buried emotions means no worries about what you might accidentally say later right? something to think about .
Right words at the right times..right thoughts at the right moments..right feelings with the right time..I have become free..nothing holds me back now from the entangled roots of my own deep desires..i have become free of false hope..leave myself to however fate decides..
People who can’t show you common curtesy deserve no effort or time wasted, whereas someone genuine at heart will never let you forget what it means to matter to them.
My mistake was thinking that you were worth the pain and grief that you caused me, your mistake was you thought I was going to on long enough. I guess we were both wrong about each other, I’m just glad I realized it sooner.
Don’t rush a relationship, if something is there. It will take a life of it’s own, you won’t even realize how much you’re in love until you can’t stop thinking about it, all it takes is patience and having faith in each other.
He does not sing..
He does not perform..
He does not act..
He paints a world..
His feelings are his brush..
His thoughts are his paint..
His imagination is his canvas..
His love for her is his inspiration..
His love for her is his perfect world..
When your efforts aren’t recognized, it’s time to stop trying. Because someone real and kind, won’t only see you trying but will also cheer you on.
There’s no point in holding on to what’s truly lost sometimes, it’s like grasping at air. You know it’s there, but no matter how hard you try it can’t be held. After a while, you give up and just accept it as it is. The past, that is where it belongs now.
I was chatting with a friend of mine about simple stuff, while at the same time i was also blogging on the side about things that are coming up tomorrow and how much stress it will be to me. Then as though my friend knew that i needed that positive vibe she gave me the best cheer up i could ever think of! It’s true what they say about how the sweetest things in life really are the most unexpected (“,)
Ever felt like you’re always chasing after someone else’s dream? sometimes we do that, when we are so much in love with someone. We help them achieve their goals and we put ours on hold, when you feel so strongly about someone nothing else matters. Then after they have achieved their goals you are happy for them but what of your own? what will you do? this is when you have to ask yourself if you have decided to pursue your own dreams or will you be left behind? don’t ever forget to chase after your own goals too, life is too short to waste it just sitting and wondering.
There are too many times when i wonder why i care so much, about people who just want me to entertain them and feed their need for attention and popularity. Too many times i’m always standing there politely saying hello and all they are doing is looking around for better, then when they find better they walk away leaving me to look like a fool talking to myself. I really need to stop wasting time around these people and take a page from them, i won’t use others for the sake of personal entertainment however. Otherwise i’d go down to their level, no. I will be the better person by simply ignoring them, why should i be someone’s fool when i could be everything to someone who actually appreciates me? i’m not bitter. I’m actually thankful for her showing me how worthless i am, before i realized that i needed to change my perspective on things.
Last week probably counted as likely the worst week I had in a long time. Someone I thought was a friend stabbed me in the back, then a girl I used to know took his side and his lies because she has known him longer. Later the day compounded by two more people told me to get lost when I just wanted to remind them that I’m here after I read that they were going through a bad day. I don’t know what I did to deserve that, but I didn’t let that change who I am.
I believe god created us to care about others no matter how badly others treat us, so that parents can pass on to their children the lessons in forgiveness and in understanding. The lessons of which I am blessed my daughter has now understood, sometimes even she reminds me of my own lessons that I teach her. How I tend to forget in my moments of frustration, still I hope for a better week to come..
I just dropped off my angel at home after a wonderful day of heart to heart talks which i’ll place on another post. I do miss her already, she’s always so good to me and a constant reminder of why i’m willing to put up with the things during the weekdays, just to make sure she is never has to go through that i do.
There really are times though, when i wonder if i’m alone on this. The weekends is when i receive my healing from a loving angel who hugs me and kisses me on the cheek always reminding me how good of a job i’m doing as a dad, yes my angel compliments me. But, then come weekdays and i am back to the same all over again. The week as always will start with going to work, getting the rumors spread all over the place about me by my coworker. I’ll then get shunned by employees from a store because of their believing him, further looked down by someone who once said hello to me but now thinks i’m public enemy #1. In addition to this, because my coworker has seniority in the building they’d prefer to receive first aid treatment from him instead of me. Though i am nice to everyone i sometimes wish i didn’t have to read between the lines, but i keep my smile over my loneliness and continue through the day not saying much. This way, at least i don’t have to validate or deny any of the rumors that are said about me, the week goes on like this every week that i long to be with my angel. Because at least she, will be good to me no matter what others think about me. But, then i often find myself wondering. Will people in my workplace ever stop listening to rumors, and just try to get to know the real me? one can only wonder why people never stop to take a look and listen to what someone has to say, instead of believing the word of someone who knows nothing about me at all? i only wish i knew.
If someone matters to you, don’t just say you’ll be there just because it sounds good. Make the effort or everything you said before that simply won’t count for much.
Even though we are miles from each other. I never once felt that way, you’re always there to remind me that I’m better than what others say about me. Not once have I ever had the chance to doubt that you’d be there to hear what was on my mind, even if it was something that might hurt your feelings. They say you should give and never expect anything in return, but I can’t help but be incredibly grateful for your just being you.
When people remind you that you’re not good enough for them, they are reminding you how close you’re getting to someone who has been waiting for the chance to say how you’re perfect for them.
One guy showers you with presents when he doesn’t make it to a date with you..
The other guy has never failed to be there for you when you needed someone, even if he didn’t always buy you everything you want.
One guy holds your hand and kisses you telling you he loves you but, he can’t answer the phone because he won’t take a risk at work.
The other guy feels that without you he doesn’t have much reason to do what he does, so he answers no matter what.
One guy tells you goodnight and that’s all you hear from him until the next day.
The other guy says talk to you later and he leaves his phone beside him, always hoping to talk to you again soon.
Everyone has their own opinions, I respect that. But, I’d rather be the other guy. I used to be the other guy..
Letting go is probably one of life’s hardest decisions, you love someone so much that for a while you are willing to hold on. But, after a while it feels like you are holding onto a flame, every way that you try to hold on you are reminded that there’s nothing to hold on to and the reality burns, eventually you have to ask yourself why you are hurting yourself. Take a look at the scars and ask yourself if this is really worth holding on to after all, if you say yes then be ready to take on everything that comes with that decision more emotionally than mentally. If you say no, then it’s time you thought long and hard why you put yourself in that position in the first place. So as to not repeat the same mistake again, so as to not burn again.
Time had passed us by and we had drifted apart, but our memories always brought us back to where we started. The memories of our time together and the dreams we shared, the words we spoke and the moments when I’d hear your sweet voice on the phone, then that’s when I realized. This love, will never end and I don’t want it ever to..
We sacrifice friendship for the chance to try a relationship. Then in a relationship we try to keep it going so much that we begin sacrificing our own goals to help them meet theirs, it’s more about giving than it is taking because you love them. But, when they decided that you aren’t part of their life anymore. I wonder, was it all really worth it when there’s nothing left to salvage?
Sometimes it really becomes too much, when nobody sees what you are trying to really do. Like when you try to be good to someone and they walk away from you because they have a perception of you that they aren’t willing to let go, then you try to be there for a friend and are told to get lost. It can be get to that point where it becomes painfully obvious that nobody wants you, so what do you do at this point? do you go to a corner of your mind and pretend everything is alright? or do you wait patiently for someone to come along that won’t give up even when you say you are fine and you just had a long day?
Personally, when people remind me how little i mean to them. I don’t let it get me down, i just wait patiently for someone to care. I won’t go running around looking for sympathy either, because deep down i know there’s someone that understands me. Then before i know it, i get a message from a friend who’s never failed me and i then realize that there’s nothing i can’t do, no feeling i can’t overcome. Just comes to show, faith provides us with all we could ever need. We just have to be willing to be patient, no matter how hard it gets.
Having someone you love isn’t just about showering gifts with each other or all the physical affection, it’s about building memories that last long after you are no longer together. The memories that will be different from any other that you ever had, do this and love will take on more meaning than you’ll ever know.
In our pursuit of what we want, we don’t often enough think about what we should be grateful for. A great many things in life come to us only once in a lifetime, like great friends who are always there to support us when we least expect it because they care enough to read between the lines and never fail you. If it wasn’t for faithful friends we’d never reach our goals because they are the ones saying “Keep going” when all the while you are telling yourself “I am happy just being here”. Be good to your friends that never abandoned you, because they would never dream of leaving you to hang! i know i am! (“,)
In some relationships, we fall into a trap despite all the warnings we see. It’s easy to think that you can give up everything that defines you just to gain the acceptance of the one you are in love with, it’s all good and fine and nothing will change your mind because you feel that as long as you are with someone you want. Everything will be just fine, but if it’s not always fine then you are just setting yourself up for a really painful ending, because you lose who you were all along and will be lost constantly trying to figure out what someone else wants. But not what you want, if someone loves you as you are. Then you would never need to change or give up anything.
No two people are ever the same, they might act the same way. They may even look familiar to someone you know but they’ll always be two entirely different people. So, every time someone replaces me. What are they replacing exactly? the person that I am or the person that I couldn’t be? I wish I knew instead of wondering when I became someone that is so easily tossed aside.