There’s no sadness

There’s no sadness, nor is there solitude so long as you hold what matters to you closely to your heart. Take comfort in your loneliest nights, knowing. That no matter how hard it gets, the fond memories of your time spent together will always remain with you for they are the best part of your life. 

 

If it’s company you don’t wish..

 

 

If it’s space you need i’ll can give you all the space you need to breathe..if it’s silence you seek then i won’t say a word until you are ready to speak again..if it’s strength you seek i will always remind you that it’s already within you..if it’s love i will remind you that it is you from whom i draw the beauty of love from..if it is the company you no longer seek though..then you have but to say and i will leave you as you wish..i would rather know if this is what you want..rather than waiting behind to see if it will matter if i do..

 

 

The path I now take

The path I now walk may be a lonely one, from the one we once shared. The one where your graceful beauty created a perfect world, a place where your voice brought life to all you touched, a place where our laughter filled the empty spaces within our hearts. A place where your smile brought forth the gentle grace of the sun. A love that felt like an eternity of bliss worth giving everything up for, so. How could it have ended so badly? I now walk down this cold dark path again, on my own seeking your love in all corners only to find none, wish you knew I had never left. Even if you had left me here so long ago ..

 

When will people stop just to listen

I just dropped off my angel at home after a wonderful day of heart to heart talks which i’ll place on another post. I do miss her already, she’s always so good to me and a constant reminder of why i’m willing to put up with the things during the weekdays, just to make sure she is never has to go through that i do.

There really are times though, when i wonder if i’m alone on this. The weekends is when i receive my healing from a loving angel who hugs me and kisses me on the cheek always reminding me how good of a job i’m doing as a dad, yes my angel compliments me. But, then come weekdays and i am back to the same all over again. The week as always will start with going to work, getting the rumors spread all over the place about me by my coworker. I’ll then get shunned by employees from a store because of their believing him, further looked down by someone who once said hello to me but now thinks i’m public enemy #1. In addition to this, because my coworker has seniority in the building they’d prefer to receive first aid treatment from him instead of me. Though i am nice to everyone i sometimes wish i didn’t have to read between the lines, but i keep my smile over my loneliness and continue through the day not saying much. This way, at least i don’t have to validate or deny any of the rumors that are said about me, the week goes on like this every week that i long to be with my angel. Because at least she, will be good to me no matter what others think about me. But, then i often find myself wondering. Will people in my workplace ever stop listening to rumors, and just try to get to know the real me? one can only wonder why people never stop to take a look and listen to what someone has to say, instead of believing the word of someone who knows nothing about me at all? i only wish i knew.

 

If silence were words and feelings pictures..

If you could read the silence..

Would you see my feelings..

Would you see my thoughts..

Would you see my pain..

Would you see the one in my mind..

Would you understand what you see?

 

There are times when I wonder

Sometimes I tell myself I should just give up trying. The more I try to do something for someone the more I seem to drive them away, yet if I don’t do anything I appear to not care. I’d say that it would be nice if relationships were less complicated but then they always are right?honestly though, there are times when I do ask myself if it’s all worth it.

 

If only i was one of those people

 

I was just walking home from the Skytrain about 15 minutes ago, the path i like to take is through the library as it is faster for me and i get a touch of the air conditioner before heading back out into the heat again. I see a lot of couples kissing and hugging each other along the way, plenty of cuddling going on across the grassy areas. Then along the other side of the benches there’s a semi daycare camp having a great time with a few children who couldn’t be more than 2 years old. It’s a very perfect setting to a summer afternoon, i won’t deny that. There are still times when i wish i was one of those people enjoying a perfect moment with her. To hold her in my arms and share stories and talk about anything, If only i had the chance to know what that is like again..

 

 

Don’t get left behind

Don’t live in past regrets, it’s already been written in stone and nothing you do will change it. If your heart was broken then it just wasn’t meant to be, so move on and leave the past where it belongs. There’s a future to live for and the world is still moving forward, you don’t want to be left behind do you?

 

When everything has been replaced..

When love is replaced by silence..When thoughts of being with you are replaced by thoughts of being distant from you..When hearing your sweet voice is all i needed..is replaced by the longing for your gentle healing..when i never thought i’d have to say goodbye has been replaced by what feels like an eternal farewell..when you think that i don’t still wish to belong..replace that with the thought that i would never come close to thinking such a thing..we may have drifted apart but you’ll always be where you always been..in the deepest part of my heart..nothing will replace that..

 

Appreciate what you have now

It’s perfect out right now, the sun’s up high and there’s a comforting breeze in the air, I’m at work right now inside the building but I do miss being out on a date with a loved one. I still remember walking down Robson and sitting at the patio over a refreshing drink, followed by a stroll at the seawall till late. I know it’s the past now and the chances of that happening now are very slim, but at least it’s a memory of something good that I had in my life. I do miss that feeling of being at peace and never having to worry about what tomorrow would bring, I guess all I can say now as I stand here alone looking out the window, is appreciate what you have now because what you have is something people would give up everything to feel once again..

 

Would you be noticed?

There’s only so much you can do when your heart is aching for the love of someone you want, yet that’s not the most painful part. It’s knowing that the one you wish the love of isn’t thinking of you that hurts the worst, there’s nothing you can do but let time heal old wounds again and again. But, this feeling will return time and again as long as someone is in the deepest part of your heart. The only thing you can do I guess is see if you matter to someone enough to notice you, only time will tell..

 

When what you feel is real

I have to ask, have you ever wondered how you can walk past people that you would normally be attracted to. Yet feel nothing, but then you meet someone who not only has what you like but also makes you feel like they are the one? so from that moment on they are on your mind and before you know it, your mind starts seeing that person seemingly everywhere? yeah, that’s called really loving someone, how I wish that people who have come and gone from my life knew how I felt..

 

Love is fluid..

The sun is rising once again, the day has started and though i had a dreamless sleep, i awake realizing the night is gone but the feeling of being stabbed on my heart is still there, is this what it feels like to be alone? waking up 3 hours later and reaching over the cell phone, expecting a text or at least some sign that someone has thought of me? i look and i discover there’s nothing, a background picture of my angel and i and 4:00 AM displaying on the screen, it’s strange isn’t it? how you don’t realize how much you’ve lost until it really truly isn’t there anymore, you’ve waken up on that same bed time and again, but you forget what it is like to wake up being happy about just being on you own, you wonder how you ever made it before without missing someone and reaching over a phone to give that morning call to say hello, then you realize that might of been only a distant dream where you shared something special, something good, so profound that your entire life had changed for that one instance and things were so good you held on tight with all that you could, but it all slips through your fingers and all is gone in an instance, because love is fluid and shapeless, it’s not something you can hold on to but rather it’s something that can only be felt, if you ever get to feel something like the love i had with me at that one point in my life, don’t waste it with doubts and hopes of what’s to come, gently appreciate what you have because this is someone who will give you a feeling you’ll never forget..