Tag Archives: personal
For every laughter from her sweet voice..
His heart knew only joy..
For every tear she shed..
His heart remained silent so as to listen to hers..
For every word she spoke..
He only listened silently..
For every time she felt her world fall apart..
He caught every piece and held it together..
For every time she spoke of the one she loved..
His world shattered but his deep love for her sustained him..
Some words are never said..
Some feelings never shared..
His wish for her happiness..
Before his own..
The other day i received this wonderful award from my friend and fellow blogger Mellifluousmurmurs. I do apologize for not having posted this sooner, it’s been busy at work and a number of things kept getting in the way. Which is why this award is so special to me, when things at work were getting really busy i wondered if it was the sign of another unpredictable week beginning, but then this made my day! thank you for making the beginning of my year a wonderful one
Some of you may be asking, what is this award and what are the rules. There is none, the award is given to blog writers that bring light into this world. It is the reason so many of us write, because we want to move people’s hearts and bring inspiration by doing what we love most, writing. So, i would like to pass this award to the following blogs that are very deserving of this award. In no particular order, because i enjoy them all? here they are
Candle Lighter Awards Recipients
If you have yet to visit these blogs, i highly recommend them. They have moved my heart and inspired me to write more, i know you will enjoy them as much as i have. Thank you all for your kind support and smiles
My dear sweet friend Daphnee posted something that caught my eye the other day, i found it interesting and wanted to give a try. There are quite the number of interesting questions! so here goes
1. What great thing would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail?
To be the best parent i can to my dear Alina, her love for me as a daughter leaves no doubts so how can i fail?
2) What would you do if you were ten times bolder in your relationships, work, family, and spiritual life?
I would go on a cross country hike in Asia knowing my loved ones and my family are supporting me, in search of peace in my heart and hopefully find where i belong.
3) What would you be doing if you had all the money in the world?
I would take give it to to a reputable charity knowing it would make a difference in someone’s life, I’ve lived my life so it’s only fair to give someone willing a second chance right?
4) If you could teach something, what would you want to teach?
I would teach anything and everything i know, knowledge isn’t something you keep to yourself but something you pass on.
5) If you left this life tomorrow, what message would you leave behind for the next seven generations?
Keep learning and never stop discovering, don’t ever look down when everything is always around you.
6) How short would your life have to be before you would start living differently today?
Life is already short enough, i don’t have enough time to redeem myself for my past sins.
7) When was the last time you went someplace you had never before?
Back in 1998 when i went to Singapore, best travel idea i ever had! what a fun place!
8) What is your biggest dream?
For my daughter to one day read all that I’ve written and do something incredible with her life
9) Can you describe your life with a six-word or less sentence?
Life isn’t just about breathing, it’s about constant discoveries
10) When was the last time you tried something new?
June last year, i came to WordPress! love this place!
11) What makes you come alive?
Hanging out with my little lady and listening to her stories
12) How much control do you have over your life?
I am in control of my emotions and on the path i take, so i guess pretty good control!
13) How would your life be different if you knew you weren’t judged or criticized?
I wouldn’t be where i am now, i’m a different person from the days i had to fight in court for the rights to Alina
14) Why do you love what you love?
I love writing, it’s not only my way to release my thoughts and emotions. But, it feels great knowing others feel the same way.
15) When you’re much older, what type of stories do you want to tell?
The kind of stories that would inspire the will of discovery
16) Beyond color, nationality, job titles accomplishments, sexual preferences, or labels given by others… who are you?
I am but a just a man, nothing more nothing less.
17) Are you settling?
Uhm, wha? am i settling for chocolate cake or vanilla? am i settling for tea or coffee? wha?
18) What does your joy look like today?
Happy!! every time i read people’s posts about how happy they are!
19) Finish this sentence: When i think of love, I think of…
The unconditional love my daughter has for me
20) What did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be a cop, but i then realized i want to be a paramedic instead. I want to help, to heal as much as i can.
21) What could you say was your defining moment?
Facing the judge in family court, speaking without a script or planning ahead and just speaking my mind
22) How do you define “soul”
The voice within that speaks volumes, when you have no one else to turn to
23) When did you become so fearful as an adult?
When i had to face a judge for the first time in court, i don’t have much faith in our legal system
24) If you could go back and do something again, would you have made the same choices?
Yes, it is because of my past actions that i am where i am today.
25) If you were God, with the absolute power of creation, how would the world look?
A world of constant wonder, discoveries and creations
26) What are some things worth fighting for?
This may sound cliche, but things like love and faith are all worth fighting for
27) What is the most important thing to teach a child?
Tolerance, in a world with little to none
28) Where is heaven to you?
In my heart, it is where i know peace
29) What do you want your future self to say about your present self?
Wait, for the right one.
30) If you were God, with the absolute power of creation, how would the world look?
It would be a world of tolerance, less spite where everyone could support each other physically and emotionally.
You can try going back to the beginning and starting over again, but in the end all you will find is nothing will be the same as you had hoped. The harder you try to pursue something that simply isn’t meant to be, the further it will drift away from you. Every decision and every thought changes the outcome from what you originally wanted, so hold on to the memories and the feelings you have now. Live in the today, tomorrow has yet to reveal it’s wonders for you to discover.
Sometimes, i feel like i’m running through a forest blindfolded when i am searching for something that isn’t quite there. The harder i try the more lost i become running deeper into a place i thought would be your heart, sadly all i found was emptiness and only the echo of my calling out for you. Is this where I’ve been all this time? a memory lost and forgotten in the darkness? is everything we shared really gone? if this is true, what is this i feel? is it false hope. If it is, show me the way out for i’d rather face what is true than pursue what is no longer there..
For each time i have found love..
I have found loneliness..
For each time i have found joy..
I have discovered sadness..
For each time i had wanted love..
I could not be loved..
For each time i felt comfort..
I have had to let go and forget..
For each time i wished to understand..
I have had to accept it as it is..
For each time i tried to let go..
I have found myself holding on tighter..
I am but a broken Libra..
My scales will never be balanced..
For the center of my soul lays a void..
Only she will fill..
Not everything in life needs to be big to make a big impact, a scented candle for example. Is so small yet it lights the room to the area around it. You might ask, why does the area that it lights up matter so much? why not simply turn the light on and see everything around me? well, the answer would be because in life we can’t just flip a switch and see everything clearly. What matters, is what can be seen and what we can do with what is on front of us. Anything else in the dark, is something that we will see eventually in it’s own timing. There’s no point in rushing ahead without knowing where you are heading, take everything as it comes and i promise you will find peace in all that you do.
I’ve done a lot of thinking in the past few days, from the last complicated relationship back to the time when i was fighting off allegations to no end from my ex spouse. I don’t know how i managed, except that i did it all for my beautiful daughter. I know though, that everything I’ve held in i’ll eventually see it replayed before me and when that time comes. I know it won’t be easy, but so long as i keep my eyes straight forward i know i’ll at least enjoy what’s coming and deal with what will catch up as it comes. Just a passing thought, one of many
Another year is slowly coming upon us, the time when we put aside the past and leave it where it is. I guess, it’s almost like spring cleaning only this time it’s emotionally and maybe partly physical as we start storing and putting away everything that reminds us of what has already past, the things that we will never have back. Such as words said and feelings long gone, it’s strange. It’s so easy to put away a picture but it’s so hard to put away the emotions attached to it, i guess it’s what makes us human isn’t it? the ability to feel so strongly about something even when part of us knows it’s over? wish i could store my feelings in an object, then put it away so that it could fade along with time. If only it were that easy, but i guess i have a stubborn heart.
Every step is a direction taken..every direction taken is a decision made..every decision made is a path chosen..every path leads to crossroads..at the crossroads you will make a decision that will change your life in a way you never expected..before you choose..think carefully..who’s life will you touch..who’s heart you will hurt..your decision will ultimately decide how someone’s day will either start or end…we are all connected to each other more than you might realize..
We’ve only had such a short moment in our life together, time had not granted us the dream we wished. But, i know that in the moments together with you. I meant something more to you, so with that thought within me. I know, i’ll continue to love you still the same way you once did as well me.
Actions of today, will ultimately decide what others will think of you in the future. Everything you do now, will be written in stone and may very well be how people will speak of you further down the road. Think carefully and give everything a thought, future generations will too and your actions will be the blocks they build their lives from.
It’s a funny thing that seems to happens to me a lot, I keep running into people that look similar to someone I missed at one point or another. Is it a mind thing I wonder? or is it the definition of the old saying “You see what you want to see rather than what’s real”? it’s been months and I’m over that failed relationship but maybe some things I still miss. Am I alone on this or making any sense?
Take all our memories and hold them in your hands..now close your eyes and picture the world that you wish for…Breath the picture in your mind into your hands where you hold all our memories..now..open your hands and see the wonder that your beautiful heart has created..a world beyond describe and you too will see..The amazing beauty I see deep down your heart.. so if you ever wonder about my love for you..just search within and know there’s nowhere else I’d rather be…
Have you ever wondered? why is it so easy to believe people care about how we feel? one small act and we begin to believe that to be genuine affection, then one small phrase and we believe that to be genuine words from the heart. I wonder, are we just wired to believe that people generally have good intentions? don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being optimistic! just tired of people who take advantage of this for their own amusement, you know?
Actions don’t determine the final outcome of the person you could be, it is what you decide to do with the result of those actions that show your real character and how others will see you.
You can always try to put on a smile and ignore the gloating about how happy they are, cheer them on every time they are happy about the relationship they are in. Even comfort them when they need someone to talk to, but in the end it will simply not get any easier watching from the sidelines someone you used to be a part of drift further away. I suppose, I can always take comfort in that I’m at least still considered a good friend.
If have one pet peeve that I’ve noticed I am sick and tired of? it’s people who say they lied to protect my feelings. How exactly is a lie ever the right thing to do? when all I end up with is a lie that will hurt more in the end? on top of the fact that my trust has been misplaced? seriously. I have to wonder, when will some people learn what it means to be honest for once.
I woke up yesterday with a greeting from my baby girl when I opened my bedroom door, she is so used to knowing when I wake that she greeted me with a hug and a “Good morning daddy!” it’s such a good feeling to know that despite all the lies and sarcastic remarks people make, there’s still some people including my angel that can stay
Just thinking about this though, has made me realize that I have to make some changes. I need to let go of people who aren’t worth my effort to keep, with their sarcasm and lies. Just so damn sick of it, you know?
I know this sounds incredibly selfish but I want to be able to finish every night on a good note, instead of one with disappointment or pretending I hadn’t seen something.
You can give all your money..but that’s not something that will last forever..you can give all your attention but you can’t always be there..you can give promises but only if you swear to hold up to it..everything comes with a rule or condition..you can always love though because at least this is unconditional and it has no doubts..
The more you tell yourself to give up..the more you know deep down that you shouldn’t and that you’re that much closer to finding the one person that will make it worth all the wait..all you need is a little faith that you can handle the wait..
I don’t know where time went, I don’t even know how we ended up where we are now. All I know, is I am grateful that we managed to hold on to a bit of our past. The part of us that brought us together, just before the first three words were ever said. I can’t tell you that I don’t think of it once in a while, but what I can promise is I will always stand by your side. Even if I have to put my own heart on hold, I know I wouldn’t trade our friendship for the world.
Today you will speak words from your heart..tomorrow you will speak from your memories..then further down the road you will speak only of what could of been..what am I trying to say? I guess what I’m trying to remind you of is live here today and make the choices you know you won’t have regret tomorrow, or even later. Life is too short for regrets, nobody should need to carry so much on their shoulders.
Even though I know you don’t read my words, I still write them. It’s not just in case you decide to read a line or two, but it’s so somehow one day you will hear it in my voice. That I have always been thinking of you and that you will never need to doubt, if I ever meant everything I ever said to you.
We are never really alone, so many of our friends are always nearby and we are always constantly reminded by the ones who have never let us down. That, they too either share the experience or have listened so closely that they feel they have been down the same path with us. I am so grateful for this, just to be in the company of all my wonderful friends. It’s a great feeling!
Sometimes the only thing you can do after chasing a dream for too long, is give up the chase and ask yourself is it really what you want still? if it’s the chase for someone’s heart and they’ve never noticed. Then it’s time to stop trying, because if you ever really mattered to someone they would never have missed the person who’s always been standing beside them.
You asked..why did i love you.. I said i didn’t know why..you then asked me why do i tried so hard..i then said..that it is because of the way i felt when i was with you..you said i shouldn’t of tried so hard..that it was over..that you didn’t feel anything..i then asked you..if you didn’t feel anything..why are we still talking to each other..you can hide your feelings..but you can never hide your actions..no more than i can hide what i still feel about you..
Take hold of a pencil of your choice…then a sheet of paper…look at the sky and let your mind soar in the skies above…free yourself from the world around you…when you start forgetting where you are…you will have taken your first step into a journey that will take you places…rest your pencil on your paper and watch yourself go to places you never thought existed…all within your mind…let the words flow to you naturally…let it all come to your mind and you will have discovered…what it is that drives the mind of a true writer…it’s not what he says or writes…it’s what he sees that turns the pages along the way…
No matter how badly people treat you, always remember that for every action there’s always a counterreaction. They will have what they did to you returned ten fold, it may not seem like it at first. But, don’t lose patience and act because then you will have lowered yourself to their level. By then it’s just playing with fire, you will both get burned until you forget the whole reason why it started in the first place. Let things happen on their own, karma always takes care of the rest.
It’s the point that we eventually arrive at, the decision to let someone go. When we feel their wish to keep drifting from us, but like an anchor to a boat. There’s often something that keeps us from going very far, something that we still long for that’s beyond friendship and beyond love that keeps us holding on. When you find someone that makes you feel this way though, cherish every moment. you will never feel quite the same again, if you don’t.
Have you ever wondered? what it would be like to just give up everything and just spend time traveling the world? It’s often crossed my mind, just leaving everything behind and being free from it all. The feeling of being away from constantly having to meet someone’s expectations and being away from all the negativity. What a great feeling that would be! just to find peace all over again.
You said you didn’t feel it anymore, but you never said goodbye so until you do. I’ll still be there to catch every tear from your beautiful eyes, I’ll still catch you every time you fall and I’ll never let you doubt yourself again. All I ever ask? is a hello and you will never have to ask again why, because deep down you know I still love you and always will even if it means I won’t ever feel your kiss again.
We enter this world seeking answers from the moment we first open our eyes..when we don’t receive our answers we always just ask more questions..never really finding our answers..until we arrive at a part of our journey where we stop and look back..then we realize..all the answers were always there..we were just going too fast that we missed it all..slow down and enjoy life..everything that is meant to happen will happen..everything you have been seeking..will come to you..have patience..
I wish you could understand what it is I felt whenever we spent time together, maybe then you will understand what it is like. To be so at peace that nothing else matters, to realize that time has no meaning and that feelings are all that really make the moment so right. I hope that someday you will understand why it has always been so hard to let you go even when you had actually left so long ago..
Trying to hold on to something good that happened only for a moment is like grasping at thin air, there’s the feeling that is there. But, you can’t hold on to it no matter how hard you try, some things are simply not meant to last. It’s just the way life reminds us, to enjoy what we can while it’s still there.
A friend made a post on her blog that got me thinking, yeah. People do fall in and out of love and people drift apart, but is it really that simple and to the point? some things aren’t so mutual, I for one wonder if i’ll really ever find someone who doesn’t feel the need to drift away and vanish from my life in a few months, am I the only one that feels this way?the feeling of looking back and noticing that you’re mentioning almost everyone in past tense?
It’s true, what they say about taking it as it comes. Things do work out that much better, even old friendships seem renewed. I don’t know why, maybe because everything is taken slow and easy instead of always worrying about what’s coming and what’s not. I don’t think anything in life is meant to be rushed anyways, I hope this lasts because I’m happy that for once things are going good on the personal level.
Life can feel like a set of doors..we open one door that leads from one decision to the next and to the next one after that..but once we open a door we can’t close it again and just have to accept that it was a decision made that can’t be changed..how I wish I could close some doors in my life..if only I had made the better choices..