Have you ever watched the one you truly deeply love, start to drift away from you and you don’t know why? then found your mind racing a mile a minute with all the possibilities and wondered if you were right the entire time?
It’s almost like going out the door and walking down the road with no destination in mind, you keep thinking of all these possibilities and all these maybe’s and if’s. It’s not a good place to be either, because at the end of it all you will look back and notice that the one you were getting all worked up over? hasn’t moved at all and you are the one who has spent all this time getting nowhere all on your own. Was it worth it? i think not, better off talking about it and if it wasn’t meant to be? then so be it. It’s time to move on, if it is meant to be though? then remember that love is patient and understanding. No matter how bad things get, it can always be resolved simply by talking about it.
There are too many times when i wonder why i care so much, about people who just want me to entertain them and feed their need for attention and popularity. Too many times i’m always standing there politely saying hello and all they are doing is looking around for better, then when they find better they walk away leaving me to look like a fool talking to myself. I really need to stop wasting time around these people and take a page from them, i won’t use others for the sake of personal entertainment however. Otherwise i’d go down to their level, no. I will be the better person by simply ignoring them, why should i be someone’s fool when i could be everything to someone who actually appreciates me? i’m not bitter. I’m actually thankful for her showing me how worthless i am, before i realized that i needed to change my perspective on things.
Yesterday I wrote a blog about how I wish I knew the signs of when people have decided, that I’m not worth spending the time over and when I no longer matter.
I have been replaced so many times in my life but each time it has hurt me worse, so believe me when I say i know how blind I was in the past few months. Just comes to show, that some people have no thoughts for others so long as they are chasing their own ambitions. These are people who would rather leave you to hang because they are too busy reaping the benefits no matter how much you’d like to be part of their lives, so instead spend more effort on the people who do see that you have so much more to offer had they not been in such a hurry to leave you like a shirt on a clothesline.
What is it I’m seeking, from a place that has nothing to offer me? what is this feeling I have that is so familiar to me yet I don’t remember it as mine? what is it that feels so distant yet I still feel it still? if this is to remember love then I’d rather forget something so hollow, so that I may remember the place that was once warm and inviting. The place that was once where I belonged..